Nightmares
by bookwormally
Summary: The darkest parts of our dreams. Are they just our fears played out? A twisted version of our memories? Or are they real?  Syaoran, Kurogane, and Fai centric. Takes place in Infinity.
1. Prologue

**So I have to start by saying R!Syaoran is my favorite character, but I also love analyzing where he's coming from. He and Yuuko are basically the two who know just about everything as we made our way through the series. Syaoran has suffered a lot and while I love Clone Syaoran too, he isn't as fasicnating to me. Okay enough random stuff from me that no one actually cares about. Onward!**

**Oh and Tsubasa characters belong to CLAMP of course.**

The darkness was sucking her in. She was being pulled in, her eyes glazed, yet still she reached for him to save her. He couldn't let her down. He had promised. Fighting the forces swirling powerfully around the sanctuary, he stretched for her. _Please, please let me reach her in time._ Then, unbidden, the thought of the ceremony that had been interrupted by this catastrophe crossed his mind. _I'm not supposed to touch her._ One look reminded him that purity hardly mattered now. _Life or Death is more important than the ceremony. This is an emergency._ But, his brief seconds of hesitation cost him everything. She was sucked in and those dreadful black wings appeared upon her. As lightless as midnight and a new moon. And before he could he even repay that bastard for what he was doing to Sakura, his time was up. Gritting his teeth he fought the portal, but the power of the space time witch would not be denied. And then darkness.

He woke to the smell of incense and the heavy feel of bandages. The witch appeared and explained. Wanting, willing to do anything, he begged the woman he had told but a week ago that he would make his own wishes come true to grant his wish now. He had never felt so powerless. She had trusted him, he had promised, and he had failed. Darkness claimed him again. The jump back was the same swirl of light and wind. Returned to the spot of his failure he wanted nothing more to race out, but _she_ was there. She spoke a little but it was a mumble to his ears. The one thing that stood out was that she apologized to _him_. He pulled her into a hug, seeking comfort her didn't deserve.

Then time raced forward. Searching, always searching for a way, but finding nothing. The joy of seeing her every time he returned, marred only by the growing symbol of his failure. Then that awful day arrived.

Death

Stopped time

A desperate wish

A twist to reality

Doubles

Removing his own eye

_Pain_

Hope

He still remembered the whirling spells forcing his power back, the chill of the water surrounding, encasing him, and then the blackness as the stress of _everything_ hit him. Then watching, always watching the other him and the similarities are striking. Time passing one endless second at a time. His power returning, building, and pressing against the binding spells. He knew what would come next. Finally escaping, racing to intercede, to stop the bloodshed.

But this time, nothing happened. The containment spells held fast. He shoved all his power toward breaking them, blasting them apart, hoping for just a tiny crack. But nothing. He was forced to watch as the seal broke and his other slaughtered his companions and the people of Tokyo, carried _her_ to Fei Wang, before moving on to world after world. All drowning in a sea of blood.

"No," he moaned. "_Please no!_"

**I know, short. But this is kind of a test drive to see if anybody actually finds this interesting. I probably will upload the next part where we actually figure out what is going on soon. And by that I mean like a week. Review if you please. And thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Yay update! Hahaha..ha. Anyway this is still a bit short, but we get things rolling quickly soon.**

**Tsubasa characters and everything else belong to CLAMP**

**Onward!**

Kurogane looked around as the form on the couch began to shift in his sleep. It wasn't that unusual; they were all trained warriors, which meant light sleeping. Then of course nightmares never made for well rested. But this was different. This Syaoran worked himself until he was dead tired and dropped off into a dreamless sleep, freed of their current suffering. This Syaoran was always the last to eat and treat his wounds from the tournament, the first to fight and take the most damage. It was little more than a miracle that he hadn't just collapsed yet.

Kurogane knew why he did it. This Syaoran blamed himself for his other's actions. Blamed himself for Fai's eye and vampirism, blamed himself for the Princess' broken heart. The thing was, Kurogane could tell this wasn't the first time this Syaoran had suffered this much, and not just from his imprisonment by Fei Wang. This Syaoran seemed to carry the weight of the world on his narrow shoulders in a way his other had never had to. It was in the way he never relaxed, the severity in his gaze, and the way he didn't even bat an eye at the bloodshed in Tokyo and here in Infinity. It wasn't that he was cold to the pain. No he was like Kurogane in this way. He was _experienced_ in the ways of suffering, of having the ones you love be gone.

Kurogane was broken from his thoughts by a low moan. "No. _Please no!_" The form on the couch had moved from shifting to all out thrashing on the couch. Whatever the nightmare was that had trapped him, it was bad. Striding over, Kurogane reached out to place a hand on Syaoran's shoulder, to hold him down so he wouldn't hurt himself. Syaoran's reaction was instantaneous. His eyes flew open, he swung at Kurogane, who blocked it, and flipped over him into the middle of the room. His eyes were glazed and he was obviously still asleep. Still holding his arms up, Kurogane studied the half-conscious boy. Syaoran reminded him of a wild animal. Tension in every line of his body, muscles taunt, anticipating the next attack, and his posture screamed he was waiting for a fight. Glaring at Kurogane, still in the grips of the nightmare that held him fast, Syaoran began to shout at him. "Haven't you done enough? Are you happy now? You've got your mindless puppet, your precious _key_, and everyone else is dead! None of them deserved this!" Still yelling, the words shifting to a roar, Syaoran threw himself at Kurogane trying to hit him anywhere he could. While wild, the blows were still accurate and well-aimed. He supposed he was lucky that the kid wasn't calm enough to think of drawing his sword. That would make things… problematic. Forced to defend by the ferocity of the attack and his own decision to not hurt the kid, Kurogane could only be slowly forced back against the wall.

**WOOOO Kuro-tan! I simply love love love the Kuro-Syaoran relationship. Best mentor-student relationship ever! So I think we flip back to Syaoran next time and then some Fai-tastic goodness! Until then. TA!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Another chapter hooray! So yeah I won't hold you up.**

**Tsubasa characters, worlds, etc. belong to CLAMP**

**Onward!**

Finally, _finally_ the spells had broken, but it was already far too late. Just as it had happened before when he escaped to stop his other, _but he didn't stop him did he,_ the spells peeled back, disintegrating, and with a crack the glass shattered outward and rained down. He leapt down and landed in a crouch as his long disused muscles quivered. _But haven't I been out and fighting for a month or two now?_ The only thing Syaoran had left to do was find Fei Wang and punish him for the atrocities he had committed. And if he didn't die in the attempt, find a way to his other so he could try to bring him back. Or failing that, stop him. _He's still on the loose now…_ He had only taken a couple of steps forward when Fei Wang himself appeared in front of him and clamped a hand on his shoulder. Swinging at him, Syaoran flipped over him, and prepared himself for a fight. Fei Wang just watched him with that oh so familiar smirk on his face. "Where will you go? No matter where you run my servant will find you." Anger, furious anger, hot and thick rushed through Syaoran. Glaring at Fei Wang he had to let some of his building emotion out.

"Haven't you done enough? Are you happy now? You've got your mindless puppet, your precious _key_, and everyone else is dead! None of them deserved this!" _But I was sure I was fighting with the others in a tournament…_ His blood boiling, he threw himself at Fei Wang, forgoing his sword for the satisfaction of feeling his swings connect. To his frustration, Fei Wang blocked everything but was slowly forced back. _But he never fights his own battles. He always sits triumphant as his pawns fight for him…_ When Syaoran stopped to check his attack, his anger bubbled over again at the sight of Fei Wang's smirk, which hadn't even twitched.

Staying a few steps back, looking at Fei Wang brought the nightmarish images back in front of his eyes. The piles of bodies, Fai eyelids closed but with blood smeared down his face, _No I got there in time to save him and his other eye_, Kurogane limbs broken, cut to pieces, _he only got hit once by magic before I arrived and redirected Syaoran's attacks to myself_, Sakura-hime with her blank eyes as good as dead,_ she was cold now but she was still the princess_, Sakura with the ends of those wings stabbed right through…_ NO!_ "How could you do this? You killed Kurogane-san, Fai-san, Sakura, and countless others. You broke Syaoran and Sakura-hime. You've tortured Watanuki. And for what? Your own selfish wish!" At this a gleam leapt into Fei Wang's eyes. The same gleam that had glowed in his eyes when Syaoran had made his wish all those years ago.

"My selfish wish? What about yours? You are the one who twisted time for your own desire. Everything that you blame me for is because of you. You may as well have been swinging the sword yourself. I did the worlds a favor by locking you up. We don't need more destruction by your hand." Gesturing with a hand, Fei Wang sent the spells flying at him. Syaoran couldn't have moved even if he wanted to. He was right. Syaoran had been the cause of everything. "All my fault…" Falling to his knees, he gazed lifelessly into the distance as the binding spells began to hold him again._ No I got away. They don't trust me, but I'm working to fix what I broke. Even if they hate me when they find out the truth…_ Then everything went black.

* * *

><p>Fai looked around as he shut the door to his room. He had heard noises from the living room, but it wasn't anything much, just someone shifting on the couch. He assumed it was the other Syaoran and that Kurogane had just finished forcing him to sleep. Fai assumed that he would be back shortly to force feed him next. Fai himself had just finished watching over Sakura-hime as she fell asleep. A job that had been Syaoran's, but as the blackness on his left continuously reminded him, Syaoran wasn't here anymore. Sighing he stretched out on his bed and shut his eye. This whole world breathed filth and he was getting sick of it. Though he couldn't deny that it fit the mood of their group. He was just beginning to wonder where Kurogane was when there came a few thuds from the living room. Moving to the door, he stuck his head out into the hall, wondering exactly what Kurogane and "Syaoran" were doing. Usually they didn't conduct sword practice in the house. That's when the shouting began. The voice was unmistakably "Syaoran's" but it was more furious than he had ever heard it and there was an undercurrent that spoke of <em>lifetimes<em> of pain, of watching your loved ones die. A tone Fai recognized if only from his own experiences. Though he hadn't really used it with the group. He had moved from overly happy to cold as ice. He began to make his way to the living room as the sound of a fight started. For the life of him, Fai couldn't figure out why "Syaoran" would be yelling at and fighting with Kurogane. _He's the only one that treats him like a real person, _he thought with a twinge of guilt.

He reached the living room to see "Syaoran" backing up breathing hard. Kurogane was against the wall, arms raised to defend himself as he watched the boy carefully. Anger and pain swirled in "Syaoran's" eyes as he began shouting again. "How could you do this? You killed Kurogane-san, Fai-san, Sakura, and countless others." Both Kurogane and Fai started as the boy's voice broke as he blamed _whoever_ for their deaths and others. _How can he actually care for us after how we've… how I've treated him?_ But "Syaoran" wasn't finished. "You broke Syaoran and Sakura-hime. You've tortured Watanuki. And for what? Your own selfish wish!" Confused, Fai looked at Kurogane, keeping his face emotionless.

"What's he talking about? And who exactly is he talking to? I can't imagine how you would be responsible for your own death." Fai had more than a few problems with Kurogane at the moment, but whatever was wrong with "Syaoran" would take precedence over the continued grudge over Fai's life.

Kurogane glanced at him briefly before looking at "Syaoran" again, who was still glaring at him murderously. "He's still asleep as far as I can tell. Must be one hell of a nightmare." _Or one hell of a memory mixing with a nightmare._ Fai was stopped from replying by "Syaoran." They had both been watching him during their exchange. As they spoke the anger in his eyes faded, overcome by immense guilt and pain. Then the light in his eyes, faded by recent tragedy, went out. Lifeless eyes, just like his soulless other's, stared out as his knees gave way and he whispered, "All my fault…" His eyes rolled back in his head and Kurogane and Fai both darted forward and caught him before he collapsed completely.

**So Fai is really hard to write when he's like this than when he's Fai-mommy... But please tell me what you think! I love constructive criticism.**

**Can you guess who we'll start with next time? There is quite an obvious pattern, but I want guesses or just who you would like to see next!**

**Thank you to everyone who continues to read this and if you have to drop me a review it would make my day!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Update time! IU's epic win over UK has put me in a great mode, so I finished editing this section. Thanks to Obsidian Buterfly, Justice333, James Birdsong, and wolfeclipse25 for their reviews so far!**

**Tsubasa characters, worlds, etc. belong to CLAMP**

**On with the show!**

Gathering up the boy from Fai, Kurogane picked him up and laid him back on the couch. He turned around and Fai was already there draping a blanket over "Syaoran." Fai couldn't help himself. He had been playing Fai-mommy for so long; the habit wasn't an easy one to break. He managed to refrain from checking the boy for a fever, but he did hover a moment. Without speaking, they both went into the kitchen where they could talk without disturbing "Syaoran" and keep an eye on him. Fai broke the silence first. "What happened?"

"You're going to have to be more specific."

"Well first, what happened just now? And second, what happened to him in general?"

Kurogane grunted. "For his life story you'd have to ask him. As for what happened a minute ago, he was sleeping on the couch and started shifting around. I came over when he started moaning and thrashing. I placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him from hurting himself and he just… reacted. Swung at me and used it to flip around. Then he started shouting and attacking me. He definitely wasn't fully conscious. Then you came out and saw the rest." Fai was leaning against the counter top, fingers pressed together as he thought about their newest companion. Then he looked up at Kurogane.

"What did he shout at you before I came out?" After Kurogane had relayed the kid's first bout of shouting, Fai looked thoughtful. "This is just a guess of course, but I believe he was talking to his captor, Fei Wang Reed. Especially since he refers to a 'mindless puppet' which I'm guessing is Syaoran-kun, and a 'precious key' being Sakura-hime. It's the rest I'm… confused on."

Kurogane had closed his eyes as he listened to Fai. Without opening them he replied, "We were apparently killed along with many others based on his second bout of shouting. My question would be why he believed Fei Wang killed _Sakura_, yet also broke _Sakura-hime_. Also, who's Watanuki?" At this he opened his eyes to glance at "Syaoran" before returning to Fai. Fai gazed at the form on the couch as well while he considered the question.

"If I remember correctly, Watanuki-san assists Yuuko-san in her shop. As far as Sakura versus Sakura-hime I couldn't say. One thing is obvious though," he stated as he turned to Kurogane, who just looked at him and waited for the rest. "This Syaoran doesn't blame the other for his actions. He blames Fei Wang Reed… and himself. I don't think he's even angry with us for how we've been treating him. He thinks he _deserves_ it." At that Kurogane glared at the unconscious boy on the couch as if to convey how stupid he was for daring to think such a thing. Fai just gazed at "Syaoran" and tried not to compare the boy's actions to his own. _Sacrificing so much and look how we've treated you. I would definitely be the one who deserves the blame._ Both of their thoughts were interrupted as the boy on the couch began to come around.

* * *

><p>He was warm, not the cool touch of the water he had been expecting. His arms were tight to his sides, which was expected. As always when he was conscious enough, he began to fight. To his surprise it was quite easy to free his arms, but as he did so he heard two voices.<p>

"'Syaoran-kun?'"

"Kid?"

Hearing the hesitation behind 'Syaoran-kun' and recognizing the two voices, his eyes snapped open. Seeing Fai and Kurogane he remembered what _had_ happened and took a deep, shuttering breath to calm himself. _It's okay. It's okay. Got out, no one's dead._ Fai and Kurogane were still watching him and was that concern on Fai's face? Whatever emotion it had been slipped back behind his mask. Kurogane looked the same as always, but then he wasn't an open book. Sitting up on the couch he looked at them. "Is everything alright?" He winced as his voice cracked. He had a sneaking suspicion that his rather restless sleep hadn't gone unnoticed.

Fai kept his gaze on his face, taking in every little reaction. "You were thrashing about and shouting in your sleep." The second he heard that a mask slipped over Syaoran's features and he looked completely emotionless.

"Don't worry about me." _I don't deserve it. It's all my fault._ "I'm fine now." As he went to stand up, Kurogane reached out and pushed him back on the couch. Syaoran flinched at the contact. After so many years of nothing, close contact was still a bit much.

"The hell you are. Sit down. We're not done." Kurogane was sick and tired of all the lies and fake emotion. Fai was being stubborn and well _Fai_, at the moment, but he was going to get some kind of answer out of the kid. The only thing they knew for sure was that the other Syaoran was this one's clone and everything else they assumed was close enough to their Syaoran. Obviously that was a mistake. "Nobody is ever fine after they've been suffering a nightmare so severe they fight and scream things at the other people while still asleep."

What little color was left in Syaoran's face left at that. Staring at him in shock, Syaoran's mind was blank. "I. Did. What?" he whispered. Fai sat down next to Syaoran and leaned forward so he could see his face.

"Syaoran-kun calm down. Everyone's fine." Fai reached out a hand to comfort Syaoran, who was now clutching his hair, still white, and starting to hyperventilate. His nightmare, those awful images were flashing across his vision.

"No, no!" Fai's hand brushed his shoulder and he leapt away. Both Kurogane and Fai, with his hand still outstretched, were staring at him. It was too _much_. Bodies piled up, Sakura bleeding, dying in his arms… "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" he choked out. Syaoran ran to his room and slammed the door. He sank down and held his knees, trying to hold himself together, shaking. A stunned Kurogane and Fai looked after him.

"What… was that?"

**So lots of talking, but I like characters analysis. Can't keep a story alive on angsty, gory scenes alone. So let me know what you thought of this and whether or not you think Kurogane is going to kick Syaoran's door in to talk to him. :D**


	5. Chapter 4

**So Sunday night is still technically within the week... Ah well Christmas is a week away and I am so excited!**

**I dont own Tsubasa of course. The lovely CLAMP does.**

**Onward!**

They were both still frozen, staring after Syaoran. Fai's hand remained outstretched, wishing he could comfort the broken boy in some small way, if only to make up for his earlier callousness. How could they have been so unaware of his troubles? So concerned with themselves, they hadn't even noticed this Syaoran suffering, breaking apart. Lowering his arm, he held his head in his hands, guilt flooding him as he wished to make it all better.

It was much worse than he thought. Kurogane had known the boy was suffering and he had tried his best to treat him fairly, but not the same, not enough. He hadn't watched close enough. Caught up in his own problems with the magician and trying to watch the kid, he was divided. And he couldn't watch everything. He wasn't a mind reader. But he should have done better! Angry with himself, he punched the concrete wall in an attempt to take some of the pain himself.

Waking slowly, the constant weight of dark emotion hit like a fist. Something had happened. Syaoran was in his room, his emotions a writhing mass of pain and guilt. Kurogane and Fai were in the living room. Fai was sad, regretful, and guilty, while Kurogane was angry. That wasn't so unusual. Popping up, Mokona hopped up next to Fai on the couch. Fai's face was buried in his hands and Kurogane had his fist to the wall. "Fai-san did something happen?"

Fai looked over at Mokona tiredly. "Yes Mokona. Something… happened with Syaoran-kun."

"Does it have something to do with his nightmares?" Both Fai and Kurogane looked at Mokona surprised. Kurogane stalked over and grabbed Mokona by the ears. Holding him at eye level, Kurogane glared at him.

"Look here meat bun. You know something?"

"Kuro-poo that hurts! Mokona won't tell you anything if you don't stop." Still glaring, Kurogane opened his hand and Mokona bounced onto the arm of the couch.

"Start talking."

"Well Mokona was sleeping next to Syaoran because Mokona wanted to comfort him and since Mokona is so cute and fluffy, Mokona figured sleeping next to him would help. Mokona wants to help Syaoran because he must have been so lonely and he wanted to travel with Mokona and the others! Instead he was trapped by that meanie Fei Wang Reed. He's meaner than even Kuro-woofy!" By the end of it, Mokona was crying. Fai picked up the small creature and held him in front of his face.

"How do you know this Mokona?"

"Because Mokona asked him back in Tokyo, while we were waiting for Sakura." Fai slowly closed his eye. Even back in the middle of the mess, this little creature had cared enough to ask about "Syaoran." _I am so selfish. Mokona you are truly a better creature._

"What does this have to do with his nightmares?"

"Mokona was laying on Syaoran when he started dreaming and Mokona hung on when he started moving. Mokona got off when he fell down."

"Oh so that's all? You're such a big help meat bun."

"You're so mean Kuro-buro! Mokona wasn't finished. Mokona can show you his dream." Kurogane and Fai stared at the white rabbit. "It's one of Mokona's 108 secret skills!"

"Give us a minute Mokona." Fai looked at Kurogane. "What do you think? It would be a terrible invasion of his privacy."

Kurogane scowled. "So you'd rather watch him break down physically, mentally, psychologically? I don't know what he's gone through and it's his past so it's really none of our business. But I can't stand how he looked, the way he sounded, like he had nothing left. And I want to know why. Then maybe… we can help."

Fai slowly nodded. "You're right. Mokona please show us." The gem on Mokona's forehead glowed and began to project. But instead of Yuuko, a young girl appeared.

**Yeah so all 108 are never explained... Well hate, like, apathy, whatever your feelings drop me a review to let me know! Also I would love some guesses to what will happen next. Just no sarcastic reviews like _Kuro and Fai watch Syaoran's nightmare. :D_ Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Well I had a fabulous Christmas and I hope everyone else has a great had a great holiday too! At any rate have an update!**

**Tsubasa belongs to CLAMP**

**On with the story!**

The quality of the image wasn't perfect but it was clear enough to tell that the girl appeared to be a young Sakura. Wind and darkness were howling around her, but her eyes were mysteriously blank and unfocused. She stretched a hand towards them, toward Syaoran. The view raced closer and another hand reached toward her and flinched back for a moment, but that moment was all it took. She was sucked in. The wind calmed and the darkness condensed into a pair of black wings upon Sakura. Time sped up and they were assailed by a multitude of images as Syaoran, Sakura, and the black wings grew. Time slowed to normal speed again. The scene was played in pieces as if they couldn't bear to see it all together again. Sakura stabbed, dying by the wings, time frozen, flashes of Yuuko, Fei Wang Reed, and a young dark haired boy, magic twining around him and another who looks just like him, then the vision was halved and a hand reached out dripping blood to place something in the other's eye, and finally a flash of Fei Wang Reed and magic surrounding him, then darkness.

Then came the images of the Syaoran they knew: growing up, traveling, and playing with Sakura. They came and went quickly. Tokyo appeared. Then disappeared as eyes opened and a water filled tube replaced it. It disappeared quickly and Tokyo reappeared in the water cistern. Horrified they watched as their Syaoran tore apart Fai, Kurogane, and anyone else who stood in his way. Sakura was freed and delivered to Fei Wang Reed. Then the blood began to flow in earnest as Syaoran traveled from world to world. The Syaoran who was with them now, voice came through. "No," he moaned. "_Please no!_"

"Mokona please stop for a moment." Fai's quiet voice cut through the image and the projection halted on darkness before the next image could appear. Both Kurogane and Mokona turned to him. Fai gave a small, weak smile. "I… I just need a moment." He placed his head in his hands and shook silently. Kurogane took a seat on the couch, tired from standing through the projection of the kid's nightmare. _And I thought the other one had it rough. Is it all memories except that bit at the end or just his subconscious twisting his real memories into this nightmare?_ Fai sat up and glanced at Kurogane. "How can you stand it and sit there looking so stoic?" Kurogane just looked at him. Fai smirked. "Right." Of course Kurogane wasn't unfeeling. It was obvious in the tightness of his fists and the lines around his mouth that he was furious and worried. Fai cleared his throat and looked at Mokona. "Let's continue please Mokona."

A pale hand, now fully grown, lifted toward the glass encasing him, and as the red tattoos peeled away, a burst of magic shattered the glass. Dropping down he began to walk forward but had only taken a few steps forward when Fei Wang Reed appeared before him and clapped a hand on his shoulder. Kurogane raised an eyebrow. _No wonder the kid had reacted so violently if he thought it was Fei Wang Reed._ The image swung around as "Syaoran" flipped away. Fei Wang just smirked at them. "Where will you go? No matter where you run my servant will find you."

"Syaoran's" voice rang out furiously. "Haven't you done enough? Are you happy now? You've got your mindless puppet, your precious _key_, and everyone else is dead! None of them deserved this!" Throwing himself forward, "Syaoran's" hands appeared trying everything to they could to hit Fei Wang, but nothing made impact. Fei Wang didn't strike back, just blocked everything but was slowly forced back a few steps. His smirk remained in place the whole time. "Syaoran" backed up and some of the nightmare images hovered around the edges of the vision as he shouted at Fei Wang again. "How could you do this? You killed Kurogane-san, Fai-san, Sakura, and countless others. You broke Syaoran and Sakura-hime. You've tortured Watanuki. And for what? Your own selfish wish!"

A gleam appeared in Fei Wang's eyes. "My selfish wish? What about yours? You are the one who twisted time for your own desire. Everything you blame me for is because of you. You may as well have been swinging the sword yourself. I did the worlds a favor by locking you up. We don't need more destruction by your hand." Gesturing at them with a hand, spells flew at them. But "Syaoran" made no move to avoid them. He fell to his knees, the view unfocused as the spells bound him.

"All my fault…" Everything went black.

* * *

><p>Mokona turned to look at Fai and Kurogane who both seemed lost in thought. "That's all of it." Mokona hopped into Fai's hands who raised Mokona to eye level.<p>

"Thank you for showing us Mokona. I know it was hard." Mokona hugged Fai's cheek before hopping down the hall towards Sakura and "Syaoran's" rooms. Fai gave a sigh and leaned back into the couch. Kurogane glanced at him before continuing his study of the opposite wall. "I thought my past was rough," Fai barely murmured. Then raising his voice so Kurogane could hear him, "Do you think all of it was true? Or his mind twisting his real memories?" Kurogane continued staring at that wall while he thought. "Of course either way it confirms what we already know about him while telling us quite a bit more."

Kurogane turned and looked him. "We already knew they were similar, but this confirms that he's a selfless idiot. Remember the world before this one?" Fai's eye closed. "The people, kids really, were throwing stones at him. And he just stood there and took it. Didn't even try to defend himself. Took their stones, took the hurt, and he would have let them carry on if the Princess hadn't interfered. And even now he takes our looks of hate and our hesitation and our blame and believes it really is all his fault. No wonder he has nightmares. You bottle all that up and it's going to find some way to release and often it's an explosion."

Fai looked at him. "No wonder he's breaking apart." Suddenly Kurogane's fist swung out to connect with the wall. His face was a mask of anger and pushing off the wall he began to stalk down the hall.

"I've had just about enough of this."

**Ah angry Kurogane, he shows up so little right? :D Hope you're still enjoying the story, drop a review if you can, and thank you to everyone who does review, favorite, or alerts this story! Happy holidays.**


	7. Chapter 6

**I refuse to bore you with excuses of getting back into the flow of classes, school, etc. So instead have an update. Not quite as happy with this section, constructive criticism is very much appreciated!**

**Tsubasa belongs to CLAMP. :)**

**Onward!**

Slowly, torturously the images faded; replaced by the dreary walls of his room such as it was these past 3 months. Only 3 months, it had seemed like an eternity already. Syaoran snorted. It was fitting that time would pass so slowly in a world called _Infinity_, where every moment was a new kind of injury, a new kind of pain whether it was physical or emotional. _Enough already! Life is tough enough without sitting here whining to myself._ An image of Princess Sakura ignoring him or even worse looking at him with that injured expression that told him that he never should have come. _Life is tough enough._ He sat leaning against his bed, knees pulled up with his chin resting upon them, and let his thoughts drift. For the first time since it had happened he allowed himself to think of the events that had brought him here.

_So much has happened. I feel like I was trapped forever. Every day, every touch a new experience yet so much feels the same. One thing is for sure the traveling is the same. Still alone… still searching. I miss the heat of the desert and seeing her, Saku…_ He stopped the thought cold and stood up abruptly. He swayed for a moment, dizzy, before turning and pacing back forth across the room. Then realizing it wasn't helping and he was only winding himself up, he sat on the bed. What he needed was for tomorrow to come so he could lose himself in the pure physical of the fight. No thinking required there only action and reaction. But it was still night with the next day hours away. Sighing he laid back on the bed. _Sleep now. Think later. Of course I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in years…_

He was brought out of a dreamless sleep when his door was blasted open by something. _No thinking, just action and reaction. It's how we've lived this long._ A flip to the floor, hands together, feeling the fire between his palms, his father's sword a familiar weight in his hand. _All I have left of him now._ Jumping forward, swinging his blade around to strike the attacker down instantly. Syaoran froze his blade a hair breadth from Kurogane's neck. _Like they don't hate me enough already, now they'll think I'm trying to kill them! _Kurogane's face was enraged and slightly shocked. Syaoran dropped his sword and slowly backed up until he sat on the bed again. Head bowed, he apologized in a low voice and waited for the retaliation.

Anger had clouded his judgment and he was not thinking at all clearly when he threw the kid's door open. He should have known how he would react, the way any trained warrior would, especially one involved with fighting for his life as much as this Syaoran had been lately. Still he hadn't exactly expected the speed with which the sword had appeared in that burst of flames nor had he expected the speed with which it had swung at him. Kurogane was very lucky the kid had recognized him before taking his head off. He had felt his face freeze into whatever emotion it had worn before he was attacked and from the kid's face it definitely wasn't a happy one.

Slowly Syaoran lowered his sword to the floor and backed up until he returned to sitting on the bed. Head down, he murmured what sounded like an apology before he visibly braced himself for Kurogane's reaction. Obviously he wasn't expecting a good one. Seeing him sitting there, braced for whatever punishment doled out, fair or not, brought Kurogane's anger back full force. Why didn't the kid defend himself when it came to his fellow travelers? Did he really think he was that much at fault? _Obviously, _his mind sighed at him. That much was at least the same; both Syaoran's were conditioned to apologize first.

Anger boiling, Kurogane marched forward, grabbed the kid's arm and pulled him up, and towed him to the door. Fai watched him and raised an eyebrow. Kurogane gave him a look and he backed away, and then followed as they returned to the living room. He shoved Syaoran onto the couch and when he opened his mouth to argue, "Don't want to wake the Princess." His mouth snapped shut and he settled on the couch, sensing the conversation would not be quickly resolved. Fai sat on the chair catty corner to the couch and turned to Kurogane, who he could tell wouldn't be able to hold back much longer. Kurogane for his part stood in front of the couch, arms crossed, and stared down at Syaoran. "I have a problem with you."

Syaoran looked the exact opposite of surprised. _Finally_, his face seemed to say. _What took you so long?_ "What can I do to fix it Kurogane-san?" Syaoran's face was now carefully blank. His eyes emotionless and fixed on Kurogane's face. Furious, he marched forward and pulled Syaoran up by the front of his shirt. The boy winced as some of his wounds from the previous chess match made their complaints about such rough treatment known. Then as he met Kurogane's eyes again, he gulped. The man was beyond mad, he was _enraged_. Whatever Syaoran had done to anger the ninja, he was about to pay for it.

"Alright kid, I've had just about enough of this." Kurogane gave him a little shake as the kid stared at him with eyes huge with fright. About to continue he stopped as a pale hand wrapped around his and made him drop Syaoran. The kid landed on the ground and stared up at them both. For without either he, or the kid noticing, Fai had come up next to Kurogane. He was giving the ninja the now familiar ice cold look.

"That's enough. This is not the way to handle this. The last thing he needs is someone else abusing him. _Especially_ if it's you." Fai waited until some control had come back before releasing Kurogane. Instead of sitting back down on the chair he reached down and helped Syaoran back to the couch. Once he was settled he began to check his bandages to see if any of the boy's wounds had reopened. Being as gentle as possible, he could feel when Syaoran unconsciously relaxed at his soft touch. That cemented it in Fai's mind. Whether or not Syaoran's nightmares were real or not, he had been caring for himself for far longer than his age suggested.

Finishing his inspection, Fai crouched in front of Syaoran and slowly gathered both his hands into his own. The boy looked at him in surprise. "Now Syaoran, what Kurogane is really saying is that we would like to ask you a few questions. Is that alright?" He slowly nodded. Fai looked at Kurogane, who grumbled, but settled into the seat Fai had vacated. Fai stayed where he was, happy to maintain the connection as long as Syaoran wanted or needed to. "Now Kurogane as long as you promise not to yell, you can go first." The ninja glared at him and was about to reply when a soft voice came from the hall.

"C-can I go first?" Still holding the boy's hands, Fai felt his whole body tense as Princess Sakura stepped into the living room.

**YAY DRAMA! Sakura joins the party because I could not get this story to move without her. Fingers crossed I do her justice. I have now posted everything I have written, but I've been feeling the writing urge lately. :)**

**I need some help from anyone who drops a review... I would love some suggestions on something to read. I've got nothing that's catching my attention and I read like I breathe... So help please! All suggestions appreciated whether manga or literature!**


	8. Chapter 7

I have a million excuses for dropping off the face of the Earth. But as a fellow fanfic reader, I know you don't really care to hear my whining. But anyway here's an update and more details at the bottom!

Tsubasa and all related items belong to CLAMP

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><p>Sakura had been resting, well… as much as she had been able to recently, when Fai had left her room. It had been the fiery spark of <em>his<em> magic down the hall that had awoken her. She had walked over to the door to listen as they moved into the living room. She crept down the hall to observe them before making her entrance. It was obvious even from a distance that _he_ had tensed upon her appearance. Sakura made her way across the room to take a seat next to Kurogane. Fai remained next to _him_ to continue his ministrations.

Something had happened before she had awoken that had changed things. Now that everyone was feeling a bit more… accepting, she wished to ask a question to make sure she was making the right decision. Sakura raised her eyes to meet _his_, Syaoran's, brown eyes that jerked away the second they connected.

It was like their gazes, their very presence, was an iron hot poker branding the others skin. Blame was so subjective. Neither was really at fault and yet guilt bubbled in their stomach all the same. It was time to stop avoiding it and use this temporary bridge while the night allowed it to exist. Sakura pulled her spine straight, firmed her shoulders and her resolve, and took her first steps forward.

"You are not Syaoran." Her tone was flat, no malice or resent, and yet he flinched anyway. Still not meeting her eyes, he shook his head. Sakura continued in the same flat, emotionless tone. "But you do share his memories." A quick jerk of his head in confirmation. "Then my question for you is why did you choose to come with us?" Silence but for the drip of the tap in the kitchen, the sounds drifting in from outside, and his own deep breath rang for a moment. Slowly, carefully, but with determination his gaze lifted to lock with her own. "There's something I want to get back."

The same reason, the same determined gaze as from Tokyo and so many other memories. Sakura nodded and stood. "Thank you." Leaving Fai, Kurogane, and Syaoran staring after her, she slipped back down the hall and into her room.

A conversation only half spoken, a meaning hidden, and yet her resolve was as iron. This changed nothing in her plan. She had only wanted confirmation and now she had it. Lying back on her bed, Sakura looked out the window to the cloudy sky. In Clow at night above the desert, the sky sparkled with a thousand stars. The memory of the stars whirling through her mind among her thoughts, Sakura dreamt of tomorrow.

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><p>Super short I know, but it's mostly to let you guys know I am still alive and writing this! My brain was fully eaten by another fandom and I would hate to disappoint you guys by posting something below my best since I couldn't focus properly.<p>

I hate to say it, but don't expect anything new on this story until sometime in May. I've got finals to finish up my first year of college. Then I'll be back home and have tons of time for writing so look forward to it! Thanks for sticking with me and see you in May.


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